I know this month’s topic is supposed to be about ritual atmosphere, but I have something else weighing heavy on my mind and I thought today I’d do a little soul baring and tell you about something that happened to me this week.
Now mind you my intention in sharing this story is not to “climb upon the cross”, but rather to share an interesting milestone in my own spiritual path.
So several months ago I went to my OTH temple priest and asked him if we could strike the “Lector” off of my “title” in the group because the truth is I’ve never wanted to be a teacher. I’m kind of bitchy and I have no patience whatsoever. If I do teach, it’s through my books. The temple priest told me no. No explanation, no discussion, just no. I was kind of pissed off about it at first because I had done my share of teaching to meet the requirements of the degree and position I was working toward, and through all of it I learned that I just don’t like teaching.
Then last month I completed my LoKIR and placed myself in service of Tahuti, Seshat, and Delepitorae (pardon my non-standard spelling) and took on the role of Sesh in our temple. It seemed after this happened that suddenly I began having more Daemonolatry traffic than usual in my mailbox and in my reading and working requests.
Over this past weekend, after a particularly hectic week filled with many Daemonolatry to-do’s I complained to a fellow OTH member how overwhelmed I felt. That’s when she gently reminded me that this was, in fact, the job I signed up for. I was now in service to the Daemons of magick and knowledge and part of that job is to use my talents to help others. She also pointed out that no matter how much I fought it, I would always be teacher whether I wanted to be one or not, just as I would always be sought after to help others due to certain talents.
You know how sometimes when you knew something all along but you were either in denial or you didn’t think much of it and then that 2×4 of reality comes back and smacks you upside the head, really driving the point home? That’s exactly what happened to me. For the first time in 28 years I finally feel like I really “get” what it means to be in service to the Daemonic and other Daemonolaters – not just myself.
Sometimes, as a priest, that sacrificial offering that you make on behalf of others is yourself.
And when this realization hit me I thought, I’ll be damned. So it is.
It’s an interesting contemplation and I thought I would share it.
Sure, several other revelations followed, but this was, by far, the most profound one and I have to admit, it’s much more interesting blogging fodder, for me anyway, than ritual atmosphere.