Many years ago I attempted to keep a blog. I procrastinate too much so it didn’t work out. However, one thing I did discuss at some length was whether or not the magician needed to be deconstructed while crossing Da’ath. I know this is a point with a lot of magicians. Some believe that the only way to cross the Great Abyss is through turmoil, trial, and tribulation. I am of a different line of thinking.
I believe the magician can cross Da’ath without being deconstructed or having their lives filled with constant chaos. I think it really depends on the type of person you are. Let me be blunt. If you’re a fuck-up, or rather you think you’re a fuck-up, your path through the Abyss is going to be rougher than someone who has a strong self-esteem. I think the biggest problem I see with a lot of magicians is they lack self-esteem. That’s why some of them became magicians to begin with. They saw magic as a quick fix to feeling powerless and unable to succeed on their own merit. I view being a fuck-up as the symptom of low self-esteem rather than a problem by itself. So maybe you’re not really a fuck-up if you can’t get your shit together. Maybe you’re just really down on yourself and constantly telling yourself you can’t do this or that.
Maybe others have told you that you can’t do something or that you’re worthless. Somewhere along the line you’ve believed what you and others have told you. It’s a self-fulfilled prophecy. As a result, you never take chances, you may fear success because after all if you succeed then people will take notice and they’ll see you’re the fuck-up you believe you are.
This month’s blog was supposed to be a how-to so with some inspiration from Murmur, my how-to is actually a challenge to those of you with low self esteems. Don’t worry, no one will know if you follow my direction or not, it’s between you and your Demons. I challenge you to tell yourself every day this month that you are not a fuck-up. I dare you to tell yourself you do deserve a better paying job, you can do something you didn’t think you can do, and that you will have a better house. Start behaving like the person you wish you were. Adopt your alter-ego for an hour a day. Better yet, start every morning with an invocation to the Demons who embody attributes you find attractive. Evoke those Demonic aspects from within the self. This is easily done by using appropriate enns and speaking with the Demon. An example: “I call on you Focalor, give me the wisdom to find your strength within myself.”
I want you to journal your affirmations and progress each day and at the end of the month you should see manifested results no matter how slight. You may feel better about yourself. You may find yourself filled with confidence. You may even find you actually applied for that job that, a month ago, you would have never applied for.
Keep doing this, one day at a time, and I believe you actually can cross Da’ath without the devastating deconstruction so many magicians seem to experience.
Remember – just because aren’t suffering doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong as some magicians seem to think. I rather think if a magician isn’t at least living comfortably, whatever his definition of comfort is, then he isn’t doing it right.